Typically, when you are dead and gone, folks stop giving a crap about you and no one mentions your name, unless they are walking past your gravestone and have the chance to roll your full name around in their mouth to see what it tastes like these days. That’s not the kind of end that we at the office want for ourselves and we would rather that folks find lotsa reasons to keep our names in their mouth all of this century and the next. And the next!

But to be remembered and mentioned for all of eternity, you gotta do something far-out, like maybe riding a unicorn’s horn from dusk till dawn, while your small intestine screams for its life! Prince Albert achieved his own kind of immortality by being named after a particular kind of genital piercing. We swear he often gets more mention than his wife, who’s none other than the mighty Queen Victoria herself. Some folks say the noble lady bears an uncanny resemblance to a puckered asshole and we swear they need to be hung, drawn and quartered at a speed to bedazzle Clark Kent himself!

Now, we will dispense with the history lesson and hold forth at length on the ways and means of inserting and removing Prince Albert piercing jewelry. Tune in y’all and hail the immortal prince of bejeweled cock!

Albert Is The Name, Leg Dividing Is The Game!

The Prince Albert will only work if you got a dick and it is on the slightly extreme end of the spectrum. Basically, this is not the kind of genital piercing you do on a whim or for a bet, and some introspection is necessary before getting a Prince Albert all up in your business.

According to legend, Prince Albert got the piercing that bears his name so he could fasten his cock to his trousers and thereby eliminate the telltale bulge that showed up whenever he slipped on the tight pairs of military trousers that were then in fashion. Talk about a committed fella with a queen-sized woody that could shift empires into and out of the cumming kingdom!

The PA is made through the urethra and out the glans and it will make it look like your cock got a ring on it. This piercing serves both practical and sensuous purposes. It can stimulate the underside of the penis cap and the urethra as well, thereby making masturbation and sex more pleasurable. The increased friction it enables comes in handy when thrusting into your partner.

Plus this is perhaps the most visually appealing piercing a cock can get and at the sight of it, every knee must bow, and every leg must get all rubbery, or something like that! That said, a major piercing like this can make penetrative sex uncomfortable and possibly dangerous, with bleeding in one or both partners and incontinence in the partner being penetrated being occasionally encountered.

There are basically three types of Prince Albert piercings. The first is the Prince Albert and it enters the urethra, exiting from the underside of the penis head. The second is the Reverse PA and it goes through the top of the penis head to the urethra. The other is the Deep Shaft Reverse PA and it comes out further back from the penile head. Captive bead rings, circular barbells, straight barbells, and PA wands are preferred PA jewelry.

PA Jewelry Insertion and Changing

Got a PA piercing? Well done, fine prince! PA piercings heal relatively fast and are easy to take care of. But only if you are willing to adhere to the advice of your piercer and aren’t a daredevil who’s all too willing to take unnecessary risks.

Now, let’s talk about why we are here- detailed instructions on how to properly insert and remove Prince Albert jewelry. Insertion and removal can be for any reason at all. You might be swapping the current jewelry for a heavier gauge or different design, or just don’t feel like wearing the jewelry where you are going, like an airport or to a hospital for a CAT scan. 

Worth noting is that you are not supposed to remove your PA piercing jewelry till the piercing has healed, which could take 4 to 6 weeks. That is because constant and unnecessary touching of the piercing area and jewelry will delay recovery and healing and that must be avoided. Leave the damn thing alone so it can heal and you can get back to fucking bitches/dudes bowlegged, senseless, fearless, eyeless, joyless and toothless! Here’s how to change/remove your PA jewelry:

How to Change and Remove your PA Jewelry?

• Take a good bath and make sure your hands and groin area are cleaner than they will ever be. We are not saying you should scrub your hands and cock with steel wool, but at least make sure you clean under your fingernails and got clean hands.
• Once done cleaning yourself up, sit or stand as you prefer and very slowly take out the beads of the jewelry you got on. And be sure not to drop the beads where they are gonna get lost. You can put them in a paper cup and the like so they won’t go missing.
• With the beads off, slowly and carefully take out the PA jewelry and once it’s out of your cock, you can put it in the paper cup you got nearby.
• Then take the jewelry to the sink and give it a good washing, before patting it dry and storing it in the appropriate container. Alternatively, you can squirt saline solution all over the thing, making sure that any crusted stuff is removed and that the saline liquid reaches everywhere possible. Then pat dry and store.

How To insert Prince Albert jewelry:

• Make sure you have the right gauge and the correct fit. Otherwise, the jewelry might be too much for your artillery piece and this can result in tearing and other injuries. If you are unsure of the right gauge needed, just ask your piercer, or shove your woody into the eager eyeballs of those us us in the office!
• Once the correct gauge, jewelry length, and jewelry type have been chosen, then sterilize the jewelry, your hands, and your groin. Jewelry sterilization can be accomplished by autoclaving. Or you can just wash it with soap -not regular hand soap- under warm running water. Squirting with antiseptic cleaner or saline water is also sufficient. To sterilize your hands and groin, just take a warm bath, or wash those areas with mild soap.
• Then step out of the shower, pat yourself dry, fish out your PA jewelry, sit or stand as the case may be, carefully insert the jewelry, and tighten any bead it might have. We find sitting in well-lit rooms for jewelry insertion to be optimum and if you aren’t sure of what you are seeing when sitting down, then it would be best to do everything before a large mirror. Once the jewelry insertion has been performed to the best of your ability, take the time to admire what your cock has gotten adorned with, and maybe take a few pictures for history purposes and pray they don’t get leaked on Celeb Jihad the next week!

Common Questions and Answers

• How Painful Is A Prince Albert Piercing?: Well, pain is subjective. That said, a Prince Albert is not reported to be exceptionally painful. While some pain might be experienced when getting the piercing, the degree will vary based on individual pain threshold. 
• Is There A Female Version of the Prince Albert?: Yes, it is called the Princess Albertina and is performed with a ring that goes through the urethra and exits from the top of the vagina. It is also extremely stimulating to the nerves of the urethra, but its demanding requirements mean that not all women have the anatomy for it. 
• Why Is The Prince Albert Piercing Popular?: First because of its visually
  impressive effect and secondly because it can be very stimulating during solo or partner sex. The Prince Albert, just like any other genital piercing, can also provide a healthy self-esteem boost and having that kind of piercing while going about your life will put naughty smiles on your face all day. 
• What is A Prince’s Wand?: it is a piercing jewelry that’s usually shaped like a police nightstick. This jewelry is inserted into the urethra, with its small side stem going into a Prince Albert piercing and holding the jewelry in position. The Prince’s Wand is one of the least common piercing jewelry because prolonged usage and manufacture of the jewelry is hard. Plus they usually have to be custom-made.

And that’s all for today, folks! Got a PA on your mighty spear of valor? Then come to the comment section and tell us what you gotta do to change the jewelry.