Sex toys are that aspect of modern life that simply makes all the sense in the world. They are diverse, marvelous, time-saving, awesome, and give everyone the ability to cum like a burst dam whenever and wherever they damn well please. These toys make us too mellow to be aggressive and can be cited as significant contributors to global peace in squirting torrents!
Now, there’s an almost infinite variety of sex toys out there, that are purpose-built to stimulate your erogenous zones to orgasmic explosion. These toys are made out of varied materials, can be manually operated or battery/mains-powered and are easily customizable to taste. There has never been a better time to buy a sex toy for yourself or others that can be relied on to blow minds to the limit and get cocks and vaginas running with jism like fire hydrants run amok on a Fourth of July weekend!
That said, some of us do experience difficulties buying these invaluable joys of modern life. It might be that XXX toys are only available in physical stores in your neighborhood or are shipped in containers whose shape, branding and the like are too readily identifiable, with this potentially setting you up for ribbing, gossip, and snide remarks from folks in your locale.
We understand the problem and in this article will detail how you our dear readers can buy just about any sex toy on the globe in a manner so discreet that even the CIA would want to sit down and take notes from you!
Discreet Sex Toy Buying Made Easy
Sex toys can be bought both online and offline. We will therefore cover how they can be bought discreetly from physical stores, as well as online from your PC, tablet, or mobile.
When buying these toys of joy online, you should do the following:
- Make Your Order By VPN: VPNs effectively turn you into a non-person by blurring your location and identity. So, if you are scared that others might learn you are a sex toy freak, we would recommend downloading and using VPNs when purchasing these very awesome sexual aids online. Not to worry, VPNs are easy to use and there is a multitude of free and very effective ones out there. But of course, the best VPNs are often those that need to be subscribed to and paid for and you better be aware of that. Go get the VPN of your choice today and start ordering whatever you like in total peace and comfort.
- Get An Encrypted Email: if you are ordering sex toys online and intend to be as discreet as a Vatican orgy, we recommend not using your work or personal email. It would instead be far better to open a new and encrypted email that your friends, sexual partners, and family cannot easily hack or breakthrough. If getting a new email sounds like too much stress for you, then you can just download all the email receipts you received from the sex toy company you placed an order to and lock these away in secure and encrypted parts of your PC or mobile.
- Ask About What Will Show Up On Your Bank Statement: well, unless you buy a sex toy in a physical store with cash, or exchange it for a gallon of moonshine and some aged mutton, there’s no way the purchase won’t show up on your bank statement. Thankfully though, some sex toy companies are kind enough to use code names or different names when processing purchases and that considerably limits the number of people who can read your bank statement and understand what you spent money on. So, if discretion is your goal, then find out how the sex toy company you are buying the goods from will process your purchase and how the transaction will be detailed in your bank statement. That way you have your stories straight if your partner or a family member starts snooping on your finances and wants an explanation for this and that. However, if you do not want the purchase to show up on your bank statement at all, that can be achieved by paying for stuff via sites like PayPal, Venmo, and crypto.
- Specify Plain Product Packages: sex toy companies are assuredly not run by idiots. These companies usually are aware that not all who buy their products want that fact advertised to every sentient thing in the galaxy. Thus, some give you the option of having your purchase shipped in the most inconspicuous box possible and with the company name and product details blurred or missing. It is even possible to get your sex toy shipped to you in a branded box that looks like it contains inexpensive products from Amazon or Walmart. That reduces the risk of porch pirates deciding to liberate these while you are off at work.
- Get A New P.O. Box: if for any reason you don’t want your package of sex toys delivered to your humble abode, you can simply set up a P.O. Box in any location you have access to and which is very convenient for you. The main advantage of this is that you can collect your package whenever you choose and no one will ever see it delivered to you, nor will there be an opportunity for thieves to pick it up from your doorstep and walk away with it.
Should you be buying sex toys from a physical store, be it Walmart or a specialty sex shop, you better be aware that there’s a chance you will run into someone you know, or that you might have an awkward encounter with a store clerk. Still, if you want to make a physical and discreet sex toy purchase from a physical store, here’s what you have to do:
- Get A Nondescript Bag and Head For A Store: the bag could be a gym bag, old school bag or whatever. It should be spacious enough to accommodate whatever volume of sex toys you want to buy and common enough that its presence anywhere would never be remarked upon. At the store, act confident and uncaring, and smoothly make your purchase with cash and exit. Once home, store the bag with the sex toy in it in any convenient but hidden place, just in case family and visiting friends want to dive into it for curiosity’s sake.
The Chain Gang And Its Salutary Obsession With Discretion
We at TheChainGang have been in business almost long enough to have personally witnessed Moses building a freeway right through the middle of the Red Sea with nothing but his staff! We have a solid reputation that we are eager to maintain and keep all shiny, have so consistently bent over backward to please that some members of our team could work part-time as contortionists at the local fair, and constantly focus on doing better and pushing the boundaries of what is possible in the sex toy niche.
Now, when you order from us, no ads or references to our site and its products are ever placed on the outside of packages where they can be seen and remarked upon. Plus our name is never mentioned in the return address for your nosy neighbors or family to note down and look up. Your package gets sent to you by regular US Mail and a very unremarkable Florida address is what’s gonna be on it. Stuff doesn’t get any more private and discreet than that for sure!
And did we mention that free shipping is the standard and there’s no minimum order you gotta make to get your stuffed freely shipped to you?