Not everyone is satisfied with the size and girth of the artillery piece that Mother Nature saw fit to hang between their legs. Some wish they had a thicker tool, others are offended that theirs doesn’t dangle enough that the tip brushes the ground as they walk and some get angry whenever they think about the fact that their cocks aren’t long enough to hog-tie an abominable snowman out in the woods and drag that fucker to civilization!

It used to be that if you weren’t happy about how long or thick your penis was, you were advised to suck it up and maybe just focus on improving your kissing and fingering skills. These days though, there are all sorts of surgical and non-surgical stuff you can do to change your pecker’s thickness and appearance, and one non-surgical example could be tying a rope to your woody and ball sack and using that to tow a fully loaded cargo train up a hill! Just joking, fellas!

Anyway, there’s a good and reliable way of effecting changes in your prick and that’s through penis pumps. Read on and we will talk about how these sex toys do their work without the aid of witches cauldrons and spells.

Pumper In Chief!

Penis pumps, though they might not look like it, are insanely popular. While almost no one will admit to buying one, they do tend to fly off store shelves at breakneck speed and there are enough models out there to dazzle the sensibilities of a dirty-minded supercomputer!

Uniquely among sex toys, penis pumps are considered medical devices that are mainly meant for the treatment of erectile dysfunction, a condition that everyone with a dick is prone to as they age. That means your doctor can prescribe this toy if you are having problems persuading little Johnny to get hard and pay its share of the rent and it is your insurance that will pay for the whole thing. But of course, you don’t need a prescription to stroll into a store and buy one and if you are desperate enough, you can make one at home. But we really wouldn’t recommend that, not unless you want to be the latest Darwin Award winner!

The first penis pumps were invented during the 1870s by a doctor named John King and he called it the “glass exhauster”. This guy didn’t palm it off as something meant to promote liver function or cure constipation and was bold enough to state that it was meant to help fellas who had a little problem called “erectile insufficiency”. But this king failed to patent his invention and 40 years later, a fella by the name of Dr Otto Lederer stole his thunder by filing a patent on the vacuum that’s an indispensable part of penis pumps. Lederer however never released any product based on this patent and his vacuum devices were described as being hard to use and crude.

But it was Geddings David Osbon who’s commonly accepted to have created the first modern penis pump. This guy had limited education and ran an auto firm. He also had erectile dysfunction, a condition for which there was no effective treatment at the time and he was desperate to remedy this so that he could get back to getting intimate with his wife. His product gained FDA approval in October 1982 and every penis pump released since then is a direct descendant of it.

So, how do penis pumps or vacuum erection devices do their job? Well, it is fiendishly simple. Basically, there’s a tube that goes over your freshly-lubricated dick and a seal that tightly but not uncomfortably embraces the base of the penis. The vacuum process is then begun and this causes blood to rush into the penis and trigger a hard-on. You can remove the device once you have pumped till you have the kind of erection you are looking for. But be aware that improper usage and excessive pumping can cause damage that might not be reversible on this planet.

The basic sort of penis pumps have vacuums that are activated by squeezing a balloon-like device. But there are battery-powered models out there, with hydro pump vacuum cleaners being the latest invention that uses water and air to accomplish the vacuum process, thereby reducing the risks of potential complications. Thankfully, you don’t have to shell out a lot for the best experience, as even the basic sorts of penis pumps can still deliver incredible experiences and enable hardcore fuckathons.

You can expect the effects of penis pump usage to last for around half an hour, but only when cock rings are used to prevent the blood pumped into the penis from rushing out. Don’t have a single cock ring to your name? There’s enough of them here at TheChainGang to get every woody on the planet singing the chorus to “The Cock-A-Cockapalyse Blues”! So, get to shopping!

Remember when we said that penis pumps are used to treat erectile dysfunction? Well, they provide effective solutions in around 90% of cases like that. But most fellas these days with penis pumps in their bathroom cabinets have perfectly working cocks. They use their penis pump to temporarily increase the size and girth of their dangling cum-spitters and take pride in impressing their girlfriends and significant others with their freshly swollen tools. These fuckers are also lured in by the fact that pump usage can result in harder erections, which should come in handy for those who plan on busting an asshole, or an especially tight and stubborn coochie!

Penis Pump Benefits

• Does not require surgery, or invasive procedures
• Less risky and cheaper than most other ED treatments
• Reliable and effective as fuck
• Boosts self confidence and body image
• Alleviates bedroom performance issues
• Can be prescribed by a doctor and gotten for essentially free
• Can be combined with other ED treatments for the best effect

Common Questions

How Often Should I Use A Pump?

There is no limit to how you use a penis pump. You can use these toys a hundred times daily and for years if you are up for that. But you gotta watch out for pain and discomfort, plus numbness, and skin discoloration that may point to burst blood vessels, and any pain that persists after using a penis pump needs to be checked out by a doctor.

How Do I Get A Permanently Bigger Dick?

Surgery is the only sure way to accomplish something like that and you can expect to pay an arm and a leg.

What Are The Safest Penis Pumps?

Most penis pumps lack FDA approval and that means they can be potentially dangerous. What you should do is only buy sex toys like penis pumps from reputable manufacturers and if possible get pumps that come with vacuum limiters. These limiters prevent excessive vacuuming that will put your cock in a world of trouble. Penis pumps with pressure gauges are also sweet in that they let you get the exact vacuum pressure you are aiming for.

And that’s all for today, folks! Used a penis pump before or have questions about them pumping machines? Then come to the comment section and make yourself heard with a bang!